No Hands Maryland

I am debating whether or not to go into a big spiel about where I've been/what I'm doing now etc, but I really can't be asked to delve into an explanation of my whereabouts in regards to The Ole Mirblog for the past three months. And that's okay, because I'm grown and this is my blog and I CAN DO WHAT I WANT. So, what I want to do is tell you a story.

"No Hands Maryland" is a law that went into effect at the beginning of this month. It basically states that you may not use any handheld device (cellphone, gps, ipod etc) while driving. The day it went into effect, Micah and I were driving through Charles County and saw a police office make a turn while talking on his cell phone. Yeah, this law is clearly being strictly enforced. To serve and protect and lead by example, right?

Friday after work I had to run to town for some odds and ends and asked Micah if he wanted to come with me. We took my car because I never drive anywhere and thought she might enjoy the trip. As soon as we got to town, we stopped at a red light and I took this time to pick up my BlackBerry to see if I had any messages etc. Suddenly, to my left, I heard the familiar BWOOP BWOOP of a siren. I threw my phone into my cup-holder, snapped my head up, and looked to the left. There was a sheriff's deputy waiting next to me at the light. He threw his hands up, shook his head at me, and mouthed "You can't do that!" I threw my hands up sheepishly, said "I know! I'm sorry!" out loud and then he and Micah both burst out laughing while my face turned bright red and I wished for death. Then the light turned green, both vehicles made left turns, and the sheriff's deputy sped off to scare the shit out of some other people.

Once I calmed down I said, "Man. My car is not conducive to stealth activity." Seriously, though. You can't do any kind of sneaky shit in a hazard orange car. Just saying.

I'm back, bitches!

Is this real life?

I busted my head on the backseat of a 15 passenger van trying to remove it from the aforementioned van. My head is still throbbing.This is about as good an example of the summer as I can give you.

Does this really happen to people?

I bought a car. A completely adorable car. My brother has been working on fixing the few things that are wrong with it, and replacing some things that are not necessities, but are nice to have (like functioning speakers). In the great state of Missouri, a body has 30 days from the purchase of a car to get it titled and registered and plated and all that good stuff. So, I have no worried about getting everything sorted out because my brother is not done working on the this and the that and the what and the have you, and HELL, I've got thirty days, right?

Aside: I know I promised an entry on my brother and the drama that took place in our lives one year ago (exactly a year ago, for real), but this is not that entry.

My brother works for a small company. The guy has, like, three employees. My brother asked for a raise recently (he is making like $7.50/hr) and instead of giving him the raise, his boss fired him Friday last, and said it was because he left work early last week to go help my sister find a tire WHEN SHE BLEW HER TIRE OUT IN SPRINGFIELD 80 MILES FROM WHERE WE LIVE. So, my brother has had extra free time in between job hunting to work on my car for me. Tuesday, his ex-boss calls him and asks him to come in so he can talk to him about whatever, and he offered my brother his job back. Wednesday, his apartment complex called him at work to tell him they were going to have my car towed b/c it did not have plates. So, my brother had to leave work early AFTER HE GOT FIRED FOR LEAVING WORK EARLY, all because his apartment complex which IS NOT EVEN AT HALF CAPACITY OF TENANTS (my brother is the only person who lives in his ENTIRE BUILDING) did not want to let my car that has been there for FOUR DAYS sit there without plates.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIRTY DAYS?!

Liz called the apartment and explained to them the situation, that we live an hour and a half away, that my brother was doing minor repairs, and that it should be done by the weekend. They agreed to extend it until Monday, but because I was totally terrified that those idiots were gonna have my car towed I convinced Liz to ride to Springfield with me so I could pick up the title and papers, bring it all home, and then get everything registered and sorted Thursday morning. This way, I reasoned, Liz could take the plates and registration to Springfield with her Thursday evening when my brother came to get her. THIS WAS FOOL PROOF! I AM GROWNUP, HEAR ME ROAR!

I woke up Thursday morning to a text from Liz, who was at work, that read: "I just realized that you cannot get plates for a car without getting it inspected." I FUCKING HATE MISSOURI.

So, not only did I waste the gas money to drive up there, it was fucking pointless because even if you can find a place in MO to pass a car EVEN THOUGH they shouldn't, they sure as hell won't do it w/o the car being there. How's that for business ethics?

I am freaking out. My brother is on edge b/c his job is obviously not secure and he feels like he coerced me into buying a shitty car that he keeps finding little things that need to be repaired on, and all in all, I am just really annoyed. So, it's Missouri's fault. SUCK IT, MO!

How to bite the hand that feeds you.

I like to think of myself as a good person, and I know my family has it's problems, but at the end of the day I think we are good people. We try to help others, if we can, and we do our best to be understanding and not let our prejudices cloud our judgement.

When my grandpa died in 2004, he had over 300 acres of land, plus a trailer, a house, and a couple of sheds. My dad and my uncle split everything evenly, and my dad bought what they didn't sell from my uncle. I guess it is worth mentioning that my grandparents got divorced in the late 60's and, while my dad lived with my grandma for a while, he ultimately grew up with my grandpa in TN.

Once the land selling and buying out of property had occurred, my dad was left with something like 80 acres, the trailer, the house, and the sheds (and I mention the sheds, because they are serious. They are huge and have furniture, papers, dishes, pictures, albums...everything you can imagine and some things you can't). The trailer is where my grandpa had been living after his divorce from my step-grandmother, and the house that had once belonged to his parents was a property that he had been renting out off and on.

My parents keep the trailer for when they go to TN to visit the family and friends we have in the area, when they go to check on the land, or when they need to go handle paperwork...my parents are still legally residents of TN even though we are in MO and all of our vehicles etc are registered there. The house hadn't been lived in for quite some time and was largely uninhabitable.

Here comes the "we try to be good people" part. My dad has a friend that he grew up with who had fallen on some hard times. To help the guy out, my dad offered to let him stay in the house RENT FREE as long as he took care of it and looked into seeing what was needed to get the house back in shape. He's been living there for years, as far as I know.

Today my dad's ex-step-mother called. The last time I distinctly remember seeing/talking to her was in October of 2004. She called to tell my dad that a friend of hers saw the following picture on the front page of The Tennessean:

That's my great-grandparents' house. He turned it into a meth lab.

He.turned.it.into.a.meth.lab.

HE TURNED THAT HOUSE INTO A FUCKING METH LAB!!!!!!!!!

She assumed my dad didn't know yet, and set out to get a hold of him immediately. I was sitting across from my dad at the table while he was talking to her and I, no bullshit, thought he was going to cry. My dad has been gone for years...over 20 years. He has memories of those places and the people who are long gone, and it eats at him that he is not there. And it breaks his heart to know that he tried to do a good thing and was taken advantage of like this.

To be honest, I am surprised that TBI hasn't gotten in touch with him yet. They are, no doubt, doing background checks on everyone in my family as we speak to see if any of us are in any way culpable for this. Hell, they might even find this.

I just cannot believe someone would do this to my dad. It's like a slap to the face.

And, that is the exact picture that ran in the paper, by the way. I looked it up on The Tennessean's website.