Thinking: the butt edition

I hope I squashed the spider that bit me on the ass TO DEATH. God, it itches.

The Spider, or, Why I Hate Everything Forever

Okay, so I am kind of messy. The other night I decided I would pick up the crap in my room. I started with a gigantic blanket in the floor. I picked it up and tossed half of it on my bed while I got the ends together to begin the tricky blanket folding process. Now, the bedrooms in this house do not have permanent light fixtures, so we use lamps. I have two small lamps in my room, both of which were on. THANK GOD I did, because I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Upon more focused inspection, I realized it was a gigantic red and orange spider. CRAWLING. ACROSS. MY. PRINCESS. PILLOWCASE. Don't believe me?

YEAH! YEAH! JESUS CHRIST WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT THING?! Now, you will be happy to hear that I did NOT scream. I DID however, jump up and down, stage whisper "OH SHIT OH SHIT" and then run to Phillip's room and squeal "omfg, Phillip, I was trying to, you know, fold a blanket, and then, I flipped this gigantic spider out onto my bed and oh my god IT'S ON SNOW WHITE PLEASE KILL IT! YOU HAVE TO KILL IT! I CAN'T KILL IT! IT'S HUGE! OH GOD, IT'S IN MY BEEEEDDDDD!!!!!"

Now, I have a tendency to over re-act SLIGHTLY when it comes to spiders that SURPRISE me, especially when I am not wearing shoes (which I am not), so Phillip put the XBOX controller down, grabbed a flip-flop and politely followed me into my room. As I mentioned before, the light in my room sucks, and in the interim the spider had relocated. I grabbed the little blue flashlight that Steph C. gave to me at camp and shined it (shone it?) onto the bed at which point The Spider decided to stop getting it on with my stuffed dog (also blue, also a gift from Steph C. interesting) and to grace us with an appearance in the spotlight. Phillip said "OH SHIT!" and then we both jumped up and down and did that squirmy dance you do when you get the heebie jeebies. Phillip suggested I take a picture of The Spider before he killed it, so I took one and then he smacked it all over Snow White's face and then tried to throw it away in the trash in my room, but I was NOT having that. I made him take it to the bathroom trash. As a parting note, however, Phillip deemed it necessary to inform me that I have too much "stuff" in my room, and that spiders can get in from the closet, from the windows, and up from the basement. JESUS THANKS PHILLIP I DID NOT EVER WANT TO SLEEP AGAIN, HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

So, now I have to change my pillow case, because I am not putting my face on that spidergermymess, and figure out how to sleep knowing not only that spiders like that EXIST, but that they exist in the same sphere that I EXIST IN!!!!!

It's like being at camp, only at camp we had normal brown spiders. And I had a roommate to be scared of spiders with.

Thank you to Bekah and Kadi for being online at the time of the incident so I had people to listen to (read?) me freakout.



UPDATE: I showed the picture to my mom who identified the spider as the regular ole garden spider that used to live in the bush right outside my window. I've spent most of the last month with my window open since my dad refuses to use the A/C and I like to not roast alive in my sleep. So, while not a vicious, poisonous, man-killing arachnid, it was still gross and I still had it put to death for crimes against me.

Welcome to my world.