country strong

Fact: The Avett Brothers are rocking the fuck out of my world right now.

this doesn't even make sense.

Lately I have trouble sleeping at night. At first I thought it was because the vent blasted heat into the room at the same time every day (around 4:00 am), pouring heat into every corner and forcing me out of my slumber because I thought I was baking alive.

But then I shut the vent.

And once I did I slept through the night for the first time in weeks. It was wonderful. But now I am having the problems again. Problems falling asleep. Problems staying asleep. Problems where I wake up anxious that I am going to oversleep only to realize that it's 1:00 am...and then continue to do so at 15-45 minute intervals for the rest of the night.

Now, my dad has had nightmares consistently since he came home from Iraq. He doesn't sleep for very long, maybe 3-5 hour stretches. Every night  he ambles into the kitchen, pours himself a half glass of milk, drains it, sets the empty glass in the sink (without rinsing it, of course), and then heads to bed. I asked him once why he did it and he told me that the proteins in the milk help you sleep. He said it was his equivalent to a glass of warm milk....he was just saving time and energy by drinking it cold. He said it helped him fall asleep when the anxiety started to kick in. When I started having trouble sleeping at night, I thought of him and his standard glass of milk before bed and decided to give it a try.

I don't know if it's helping me sleep any (I'm still awake, aren't I?). It is making me homesick, though. I miss my family.

You know that thing where I am a little bit (extremely) ridiculous?

Yeah. It happened real bad today.

Perhaps I should explain.

You know that thing that happens once a month where my uterus sheds it's lining and I go apeshit in the process? That is happening right now. For the most part the only side effect I've been experiencing is an incessant urge to eat everything in my path that might be edible/have a flavor, which has been a nightmare in and of itself...I've gained 5 lbs in 3 days because I can't stop eating! Today, however, the irrational rage showed up and about 2/3 of my way through my work day I became so simultaneously thirsty and angry I genuinely thought I was going to chug a glass of water and then smash the glass into a wall. I deliberately did NOT get a glass of water because I was so unnerved by the desire. I did a pretty okay job of keeping it together, and even managed to make plans to go the the movies with Marisa in between battling the urge to put my fist through my computer screen and being moderately productive. 

To ensure that I'd make it safely through the rest of the night, I decided to take a post-work pre-movies nap. This is where everything went wrong. I fell asleep before I could remember to turn my phone off silent....so I didn't get any alerts/messages. Like the ones Marisa sent me asking if I were still one of the living.  So yeah, I did not wake up until around 6:45pm which was too late to make it to my favorite theatre where we were going to see Gulliver's Travels (finally). 

So, how am I coping with it all? I am about to go drown my sorrows in Mexican food. Fuck you, hormones.

fact:

If you aren't listening to Mumford&Sons you might be a dumb-dumb.

I love you.

fucking mice.

I am, like, really bad at this.

Anyway.

I flew to Missouri for Thanksgiving. While there, Liz and Zeb found a nest of "infant" mice underneath this Korean Hutch we've had for a hundred thousand years. They saved them: pink, blind, hairless, squeaking, and squirming, in a glad bowl for me to take care of when my mom and I returned from grocery shopping.

So, what did I get stuck with doing? Dumping the bowl of infant mice, that Zeb was so proud of saving, out in the front yard. And when I close my eyes I can still picture them squirming as they tumbled out of the bowl onto the cold wet ground. I hope they didn't take too long to die. I sat in my room cringing at the thought of what I had done.

Why my sister needs an Xbox....

"cause black ops, fable 3 and rock band 3 are all coming out and I can't fucking take it anymore."

-Samantha 

a poem: but not by me

It’s good to feel you are close to me in the night, love,

invisible in your sleep, intently nocturnal,

while I untangle my worries

as if they were twisted nets.

Withdrawn, your heart sails through dream,

but your body, relinquished so, breathes

seeking me without seeing me perfecting my dream

like a plant that seeds itself in the dark.

Rising, you will be that other, alive in the dawn,

but from the frontiers lost in the night,

from the presence and the absence where we meet ourselves,

something remains, drawing us into the light of life

as if the sign of the shadows had sealed

its secret creatures with flame.

-Pablo Neruda