You know that thing where I am a little bit (extremely) ridiculous?

Yeah. It happened real bad today.

Perhaps I should explain.

You know that thing that happens once a month where my uterus sheds it's lining and I go apeshit in the process? That is happening right now. For the most part the only side effect I've been experiencing is an incessant urge to eat everything in my path that might be edible/have a flavor, which has been a nightmare in and of itself...I've gained 5 lbs in 3 days because I can't stop eating! Today, however, the irrational rage showed up and about 2/3 of my way through my work day I became so simultaneously thirsty and angry I genuinely thought I was going to chug a glass of water and then smash the glass into a wall. I deliberately did NOT get a glass of water because I was so unnerved by the desire. I did a pretty okay job of keeping it together, and even managed to make plans to go the the movies with Marisa in between battling the urge to put my fist through my computer screen and being moderately productive. 

To ensure that I'd make it safely through the rest of the night, I decided to take a post-work pre-movies nap. This is where everything went wrong. I fell asleep before I could remember to turn my phone off silent....so I didn't get any alerts/messages. Like the ones Marisa sent me asking if I were still one of the living.  So yeah, I did not wake up until around 6:45pm which was too late to make it to my favorite theatre where we were going to see Gulliver's Travels (finally). 

So, how am I coping with it all? I am about to go drown my sorrows in Mexican food. Fuck you, hormones.

Shopping sucks.

I am in an ill-ass mood. I have been ordering clothes off the interwebs b/c I need some nicer clothes for my new job (and for my life, in general, tbh). The only clothing store in a 30 mile radius is walmart, and I am kind of a snob, so I don't like to buy clothes there if I don't have to. So, yeah, I bought some shit off the internet. The first bunch of stuff I got was okay...the tops fit (but only because I remembered at the last minute that I bought some tops from this place over the summer and that they were a little too big, so I got them a size smaller), but the pants I ordered in my normal size and they were too big. So, I filled out the little return and exchange form and mailed 'em back. Today I got an email from that place telling me they no longer have those pants in stock and that they will be giving me a refund in 1-2 billing cycles. Uhm, you will sure as shit take my money with the quickness but when it comes to giving it back it might take up to two months? I NEED those pants for my job, and if you don't give me my gd money how the hell am I gonna go elsewhere to buy pants? Do you just assume, Online Retailer, that I have an unlimited and expendable income and can wait for you to get your heads out of your asses and deposit the money back into my account? Hmmm?

Then, I ordered some more tops and a vest from another place. I got that package yesterday in the mail, and was pretty frustrated b/c everything was too big, the vest was horrifying, and one of the gd shirts they sent me WAS NOT EVEN WHAT I ORDERED!!!! How they mistook a green paisley sleeveless t-shirt for a beige trimmed polo shirt is BEYOND my comprehension, but I filled the form out and got it all ready to ship back via UPS OF COURSE!

I am incredibly annoyed because I do live in a small town and I do wear plus sized clothes and MY LIFE IS JUST REALLY INCONVENIENT!!!!!

My brain is full of fail.

Sometimes I feel like the weight of my own stupid, STUPID choices is crushing me. I suppose that is how it's supposed to be...if the choices weren't stupid, they wouldn't be crushing me. It wouldn't make sense for you to make stupid choices and there to be no negative consequences. Regardless, I can't breathe because I am being squished under the weight of my own failed logic.